I'm not exactly the right person to write this post: I have never spent Christmas alone. But the thought is close to me, because this is my father's third Christmas alone.

Hanging out with others

Daddy had the option to wallow. Since my mother died, he has been alone. But at the beginning of this season, he made a decision to lean into the opportunities, versus holing up at home alone. He pointed out that this is a key time for depression to slide in, unnoticed. To combat that, he has gone to a Christmas play, Christmas concerts, played in a band himself, gone to church, and participated in parties. 

That doesn't mean that all will be well. Going out that much is actually been physically hard on him. But it does provide a form of ownership over one's personal affect. And he gives himself permission for a day of rest after a busy day.

Owning the fact that you're enough

This post by Lindsey Stirling really touched me:

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1BHx6mybR4/

I feel a little connection to Lindsey, because of my Sterling ancestors, as well as the fact that my daughter is both a dancer and violinist. Lindsey's recognition that she doesn't need to wait for her other half--that she is whole in herself--is powerful and true.

Feeling what you feel & admitting it

Two of my three kids were in Asia this Thanksgiving--which also happened to be my birthday. I made a conscious decision to feel sad, to miss them, to cry when the tears welled up, and to admit it to others.

In the past when one of my sisters was out of town on Christmas, I tried to just power through. That left me in an inauthentic position. I flew off the handle when something minor went wrong, because I hadn't dealt with what was really bothering me: I wanted the full set! I'm grateful that I've gradually learned how to deal with all of this before my kids started to live their lives, so I don't leave them with unnecessary pressure.

Flexible planning 

We have some friends that we have celebrated with for over 30 years. Part of the reason this always works is that we are willing to get together anytime over a 6-week window and call it our holiday event. We have eaten at each other's houses, at restaurants, and have even met at specific events to accomplish spending time together.